BY MONICA KHURANA.
BEATING MEN AT THE DOWRY GAME
Has dowry become a euphemism for extortion?
Marriage is a sacramental union in the Hindu faith. In India there is no greater event in a family than a wedding, dramatically evoking every possible social obligation, kinship bond, traditional value, impassioned sentiment, and economic resource. In the arranging and conducting of marriages, the complex permutations of Indian social systems best display themselves. Marriage alliances entail some redistribution of wealth as well as building and restructuring social realignments, and, of course, result in the biological reproduction of families. The most dramatic aspect of the marriage alliances is the giving of dowry. Marriage and dowry are irrevocable facets of a system from which we have no escape routes.
Dowry refers to a marriage practice in India where gifts of cash or other valuable items are exchanged between the families of the bride and groom. Although its ancient meaning was to show respect, it is now treated as an essential condition for entering into marriage with the gift-giving unfairly one-sided towards the bride’s family. They were voluntary practices transformed through passage of time into the evils of the dowry system, spreading its tentacles in almost all parts of the country and sections of society.
In ancient times the dowry was considered a woman’s wealth, property due a beloved daughter who had no claim on her natal family’s real estate and typically included portable valuables such as jewelry and household goods that a bride could control throughout her life. However, over time, the larger proportion of the dowry has come to consist of goods and cash payments that go straight into the hands of the groom’s family.
In the late twentieth century, throughout much of India, dowry payments have escalated and a groom’s parents sometimes insist on compensation for their son’s higher education and even for his future earnings, to which the bride will presumably have access. Some of the dowries demanded are quite oppressive, amounting to several years’ salary in cash as well as items such as motorcycles, air conditioners, and fancy cars. Among some lower-status groups, large dowries are currently replacing traditional bride-price payments. Even among Muslims, previous customs of voluntary gift-giving have in some places been replaced by demands.
More recently dowries are demanded by the prospective groom and in many cases they can far outstrip the bride’s family’s means. They can include not only the bulk of the cost of the wedding, but also money, cars, motorcycles, livestock, and clothing. However, it is a Hindu father’s obligation to get his daughters married before he dies, so there is pressure to take out huge loans with outrageous interest to satisfy dowry demands. Also, having a good dowry is a status symbol for the whole family.
While the benefits for the groom’s family are obvious, the bride’s family is also complicit in agreeing to pay a dowry, thereby perpetuating the practice. The social stigma for unmarried women compels many families to pay a dowry despite any misgivings. The worst result of this is that girl children become seen as a liability. Unlike boys, they will cost the family in the end because of dowry demands.
Dowry is one of those social practices which no educated Indian would own up to with pride, although many still adhere to this deplorable practice. Dowry continues to be given and taken. Even among the educated sections of society, dowry continues to form an essential part of the negotiations that take place between the bride’s and groom’s families.
Though prohibited by law, the give and take of dowry still occurs on the belief that in her marital home, the girl should not be a burden on the husband’s family. When the dowry amount is not considered sufficient or is not forthcoming, the bride is often harassed, abused and made miserable.
While dowry-related violence against women can occur before, during, and after marriage, the most heinous forms of dowry abuse often occur after a woman is married by her husband or his family. The most common form of dowry homicide is a phenomenon known as bride-burning, whereby the woman is doused with kerosene and set ablaze. The murder is often made to look like a kitchen accident or a suicide. In some cases the mental and physical anguish to which a woman is subjected does indeed drive her to commit suicide.
The heavy price of providing a dowry has proven to be a consideration for many families in their preference of sons over daughters. Incredibly enough, thousands of women still die in India every year in the hands of their own husbands because their family couldn’t meet the economic expectations of their in-laws. Many of these cases were brought to light after the efforts of different associations and individuals, fighting to eradicate dowry deaths. Most of them, however, remain unknown and, what is more important, unpunished, because of the conscientious effort of the ruling elite to hide them.
6000 dowry murders are committed each year. In the capital alone a woman is burned to death every 12 hours. Even though the Dowry Prohibition Act (1961) has existed for almost 43 years, there are various reasons why the practice survives. Almost 2 million female babies are aborted every year. Surprisingly, women are brought up to accept this practice as a legitimate part of life.
The widespread acceptance of dowry makes it difficult to abolish the practice. So much so that despite the ugliest forms the institution of dowry has taken, we have failed in our objective to socially de-legitimise it. The practice has become a metaphor for a gender revolution that has lost its way.
However, in a rare show of courage, Nisha Sharma of Noida, just as she was about to be married, filed a police complaint against her groom for demanding excessive dowry, thereby landing him in jail. Nisha, a postgraduate, registered a case with the police in Noida, a satellite township of Delhi, after her husband-to-be, Munish Dalal, roughed up her father at the wedding, while demanding an additional Rs 1.2 million (12 lakhs) in dowry. Nisha’s father had already given the groom Rs 600,000 worth of goods and a luxury car worth roughly the same amount. With the wedding on in full swing and the guests already assembled, Nisha took the bold step in refusing to meet the dowry demands of her would-be husband and handing him over to the police.
While Nisha’s courageous stand against dowry undoubtedly warrants appreciation, one cannot ignore the fact that her family had already agreed to a wide set of demands from the groom’s family.
Following the footsteps of Nisha, one more bride, a young Muslim girl from Uttar Pradesh, ended her brief marriage by deciding not to put up with unreasonable dowry demands.
Thus we have to understand that a girl’s ability to say no in our culture depends a great deal on the support she gets from her family. Parents have to decide that they will not marry their daughters if a dowry is demanded, directly or indirectly. If there is even a hint of this at any stage, they should have the courage to call off the arrangement.
While the government has made legal efforts to abolish the practice, monitoring and enforcement remain difficult and the practice of giving, taking, and demanding dowry has remained in place.
The Dowry Prohibition Act (1961) distinguishes dowry from stridhan in that dowry is demanded and stridhan is given voluntarily and is meant for the ownership and possession by the bride. Dowry has been declared illegal and a special legislation penalizes the giving, taking and demand for dowry. If dowry has been taken, it must be transferred to the bride within three months of the date of its receipt or, if the dowry was received before the marriage, within three months of the date of marriage. If the woman dies before the transfer of the dowry, her heirs can claim the property. Provided that if she dies within seven years of her marriage it will be transferred to her children, and if she has no children, to her parents. Demand of money by the husband from the parents of the wife after the marriage, if not in connection with the marriage but for any other purpose, is not dowry.
Additionally, the Indian Penal Code, 1860 also provides for the punishment of a husband or his relatives where they subject the woman to cruelty in connection with dowry demands. There are also some presumptions with regard to dowry deaths. Where the death of a woman has been caused in unnatural circumstances within seven years of her marriage and it is proved that just before her death she had been subjected to cruelty or harassment by her husband or his relatives in connection with dowry, then they will be deemed to have caused her death. Where a woman has committed suicide within seven years of marriage and it is shown that she had been subjected to cruelty or harassment by her husband or his relatives in connection with dowry, then it will be presumed that the husband or his relatives abetted the suicide. In cases where a dowry death is suspected the concerned Magistrate must hold an inquest or inquiry investigating into the cause of death. This takes place in addition to the investigation conducted by the police.
Punishment for demanding dowry also exists but is much less severe. To make any impact in abolishing the practice of dowry the government must ensure better law enforcement and less impunity to men and families who commit such abuse. One positive step is the emergence of greater opposition to dowry demands.
There have been several recent initiatives that are addressing the issue, although they acknowledge that it will be difficult to implement change. Socially and legally there is a fine line between providing a dowry and giving wedding gifts to the new couple. Yet all families should be aware that making direct demands for goods, property and money is asking for a dowry – and is therefore illegal.
The Author is a Lawyer at New Delhi.